An Alternative To Bards In Dungeons & Dragons

I have a hard time getting over the image in my head, left over from the Bard class in the AD&D 2nd Edition Player's Handbook - that fruity troubadour with the red and white striped tights, feathered hat, and neatly trimmed van dyke. If there was ever a reason not to play a Bard, that illustration would be it.

I also can't stand the concept of spellbooks. Even seeing the word makes me want to go to sleep. The Bard's spellcasting ability is pretty flipping useless, unless none of the other party members can cast magic. I do like Monte Cook's ideas on how to fix that, but ...

Why does a Bard always have to sing to get everything done? Why can't he tell a story, make a joke, or do a panamime? Explain to me why a Bard without a lute can't use his special abilities. So this got me thinking about returning to some interesting Bard alternatives that we used to have in the past.

Enter the Jester class. A long time ago, Roger E Moore and Steven P King had some great ideas for jesters in old issues of Dragon Magazine. I wanted to bring these back into 3rd Edition. I also wanted to cut out some stuff from the existing Bard class, and compensate it with all the Rogue abilities that really piss people off. And there you have it - a nice compliation of a class that's great at being a buffoon. The immediate practical applications of the Jester may not be all that apparent, and I can understand why some would rather it simply be an NPC class. But for the right kind of player, this thing is a beautiful marriage of mechanics and roleplay. I hope that you get a kick out of it.

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JESTER

Jesters are adventurous characters with an overwhelming sense of the absurd. They roam from place to place, telling tales, pulling practical jokes, insulting the most fearsome of monsters, and generally making nuisances of themselves. Because of their outlook on the world and their special powers, they may prove potentially useful (or annoying) to adventuring parties.

Adventures: Adventures to a Jester are the perfect opportunity to collect new material for jokes, and also serve as a stage for a captive audience. A Jester never takes a break, and can always be found playing pranks on fellow party members or wandering monsters.
Characteristics: A Jester makes a living from making one person laugh while infuriating someone else. They’ll even subject themselves to harm if it gets a laugh. A Jester doesn’t believe in the use of magic in his trade, and relies instead on his own skill. Some times they can be an invaluable asset for volatile situations, and other times they can just make them worse.
Alignment: Jesters are detached observers of all things entertaining, and tend to make decisions on intuition (although some do claim to possess a daunting form of backwards logic). All Jesters are of some type of Chaotic alignment. A jester cannot gain levels otherwise.
Religion: Jesters travel far too much to stay around long enough for devout worship at a temple. They have a certain affinity for deities that favor pranksters or thrill-seekers, but beyond that it’s rare for a Jester to worship.
Background: There are few colleges that offer training in buffoonery or comedy. Most Jesters become what they are simply because they were born with an off-sense of humor that isolated them from everyone else. The young Jester is often introverted, a loner, and depressed from their feeling of remoteness. But through making people laugh, the Jester learns early how influencing people can be an advantage. Eventually the Jester can’t seem to stop, and entertaining is the only way he feels like a normal member of society (even if slightly hampered by his flamboyant comical attire).
Races: Many Jesters are Humans, Half-elves, Halflings, and Gnomes. Dwarves tend to be too serious to make a living out of acting silly. Elves find it hard to poke fun at people on a lifelong basis. Half-orcs and their kin find things like thumbscrews and iron maidens marvelously comical, but that particular sense of humor tends to be lost on other races. Any race can take on the Jester profession, it just doesn’t mean that they will be very good at it. Some times there are few things funnier than a failed comedian.
Other Classes: The Jester doesn’t get along with other entertainers in the group, particularly Bards. Often the two will compete for attention in attempt to prove which is more adept. However, Jesters often find companionship with Rogues and other unfettered professions. Many of the more uptight classes, like Monks or Paladins, tend to be on the receiving end of a Jester’s jokes.

GAME RULE INFORMATION
Jesters have the following game statistics.
Abilities: Charisma and Dexterity are a Jester’s hallmarks. Intelligence is also important in order to outwit both friend and foe.
Alignment: Any Chaotic.
Hit Dice: d6
Saves: Reflex/Willpower(Good), Fortitude(Poor)
Special: A Jester may not have levels in the Bard class, nor may a Bard have Jester levels.

CLASS SKILLS
The Jesters class skills are Appraise, Balance, Bluff, Climb, Concentration, Craft, Decipher Script, Diplomacy, Disable Device, Disguise, Escape Artist, Forgery, Gather Information, Hide, Intimidate, Jump, Knowledge (all), Listen, Move Silently, Open Locks, Perform, Profession, Sense Motive, Sleight-of-Hand, Spellcraft, Spot, Swim, Tumble, Use Magic Device, Use Rope.
Skill Points at 1st Level: (8 + INT Modifier) x 4
Skill Points at Each Additional Level: 8 + INT Modifier

Lev__BAB________Special
1___+0_________Bardic Knowledge, Pranks, Bamboozlement, Provoke Discouragement -1
2___+1_________Additional Language
3___+2_________Sneak Attack +1d6, Provoke Incompetence
4___+3_________Additional Language
5___+3_________Evasion, Provoke Antagonism
6___+4_________Additional Language
7___+5_________Sneak Attack +2d6
8___+6/+1_______Provoke Discouragement -2, Additional Language
9___+6/+1
10__+7/+2_______Special Ability, Additional Language
11__+8/+3_______Sneak Attack +3d6
12__+9/+4_______Uncanny Dodge, Additional Language
13__+9/+4
14__+10/+5______Provoke Discouragement -3, Additional Language
15__+11/+6/+1____Sneak Attack +4d6
16__+12/+7/+2____Special Ability, Additional Language
17__+12/+7/+2____Improved Uncanny Dodge
18__+13/+8/+3____Additional Language
19__+14/+9/+4____Sneak Attack +5d6
20__+15/+10/+5___Provoke Discouragement -4, Special Ability, Additional Language

CLASS FEATURES
All of the following are class features of the Jester.
Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A Jester is proficient with all Simple weapons, plus the longsword and short sword. The Jester is also proficient with one Exotic weapon of their choosing, but it must weigh less than 3 lbs (or 1.5 lbs for weapons for Small-sized creatures, or 6 lbs for weapons for Large-sized creatures). Jesters are proficient with light armor and shields (except for tower shields).
Bardic Knowledge: A Jester picks up a lot of stray knowledge while wandering the land. He may make a special Bardic Knowledge check with a bonus equal to his Jester level plus his Intelligence modifier to see whether he knows some relevant information about local notable people, legendary items, or noteworthy places. If the Jester has 5 or more ranks in his Knowledge(History) skill, he receives a +2 bonus to his Bardic Knowledge checks. This ability functions the same as that of a typical Bard.
Pranks: These abilities are the heart and soul of the Jester. Some of these are simply gags within his repertoire, and others produce crippling effects on those around him. In the latter case (Provoke Discouragement and Provoke Incompetence), these abilities may only be used once per day per Jester level, and require the use of a Standard action and certain ranks in the Perform skill. All Provocation abilities allow the target a Willpower save at a DC of 10 plus half the Jester’s levels plus his Charisma ability modifier.
Provoke Discouragement (Su): A Jester with 3 or more ranks in his Perform skill can use a stinging song or insulting joke to discourage his enemies and deflate their combat abilities. To be effected, the enemy must be able to hear the Jester. The effect lasts for as long as the enemy can hear the Jester speak and for 5 rounds thereafter. An effected enemy receives a morale penalty to saving throws against Charm and Fear effects, and a morale penalty to attack and weapon damage rolls. This penalty increases as shown on the Jester level progression chart. Provoke Discouragement is a mind-affecting ability (I’ve never known an Undead to get a decent joke, either).
Provoke Incompetence (Su): A Jester of 3rd level or higher, with at least 6 ranks in his Perform skill, can use his mastery of jokes or rhetoric to cause an enemy to fail (or ‘choke’ on) a task. These derogative comments can only be used on an enemy within 30 feet of a Jester they are able to see and hear. Depending on the task, the Jester can dampen his foe’s spirits or distract him – the enemy receives a –2 competence penalty to skill checks on a particular skill as long as he continues to hear the Jester. The effect lasts as long as the Jester continues to concentrate, up to a maximum of 2 minutes. The DM may rule that certain uses of this ability are infeasible. Provoke Incompetence is a mind-affecting ability.
Provoke Antagonism (Su): Once the Jester has attained the 5th level he can use his skill of aggravating people to hinder an enemy’s ability to defend himself. The Jester does not have to speak in order to use this ability, and can opt instead to throw small harmless objects (if they are handy). As a Standard action the Jester may choose a target within 50 feet to receive a –1 competence penalty to their AC, upon a successful Intelligence check at DC17 + the target’s level. This ability can be used a number of times per day equal to the Jester’s Intelligence ability modifier (if any, minimum of once per day), and can only be used once per individual round. The effect lasts on the target for 4 rounds + the Jester’s level, from the first time the ability was used. The Jester may not choose to do any other actions that round besides Provoke Atagonism. This is also a mind-affecting ability.
Punfighting Mastery (Ex): Everybody has the ability to make puns, but the Jester has elevated punning to an art form. Punning is the measure of success for Jesters. The rules for Punfighting are fairly simple* – Regular characters have a base DC of 16, Bards have a DC of 12, Jesters have a DC of 10. Characters with different classes take whichever DC is better. For every level a character has, add 1 to their roll; Jester levels count as double. The Intelligence modifier is also added to the roll. Thus, a 4th-level Bard with an INT of 16 would roll 1d20+4+3 against a DC of 12. A Jester with the same number of Jester levels, with the same Intelligence score, would roll 1d20+8+3 against a DC of 10. The bonus that is added to the character’s Punfighting roll is important to keep track of.
To resolve a Punfight, the attacker must pick a topic. He then has the option of making a “straight line” (a comment that isn’t a pun) or a pun. The defender rolls, and if he succeeds he can make a pun on this subject. The attacker then rolls to see if he can return with a pun of his own. Each time someone returns a pun (with the exception of the attacker’s optional opening pun), his Punfighting ability bonus decreases by 1 (lengthy Punfights often result in the bonus dwindling into a negative number). The volley continues until one of the opponents is “at a loss for words” (he fails his check), and that character has then lost the fight.
Instead of simply returning a pun, either opponent can attempt to change the subject. This opens up a whole new realm of puns and resets both characters to their original Punfighting bonus values. The character must announce before rolling to return a pun that he will be “attempting to change the subject”, he then makes a roll with only half of his current Punfighting bonus (round down). If he fails this particular roll he can still try to save himself by immediately returning the pun, but he must try at the same current half ability value (only for this volley, however). If he successfully passes that desperate attempt to return the pun, the battle continues on that particular subject. Failure results in defeat for the opponent who not only fudged changing the subject, but also couldn’t even make a decent pun to save himself.
Take our good friend the Jester with the +11 bonus to his Punfighting from above – he may have bitten off more than he can chew when he challenged his mentor to a duel. After 4 previous rounds of ghastly puns that were returned right back on top of him, the Jester’s Punfighting ability bonus has shrunk to a mere +7 as of the start of this fifth round. Now wouldn’t be a bad time to change the subject, but to do so would be a roll of 1d20+3 against a DC 10. The Jester stumbles over his words as he attempts to steer the conversation towards “wooden eels”, because our Jester friend has rolled a 5. He tries to recover as a last resort, and rolls his 1d20+3 with a result of 12. It was close, but the Jester managed to work out a pun that kept him in the game.
Unfortunately the Jester’s mentor deftly returns with a pun of his own once again. If the Jester plans on keeping this up, his next pun is now only going to come at a +6 bonus ...
The DM can decide to give a bonus to characters who are particularly well-versed on a subject. Likewise, unfamiliar subjects can result in a penalty. For example, a character with 5 ranks in the Profession (mariner) skill might receive a +2 bonus to puns involving the topic of boats, where a character that grew up in a desert his entire life might receive a -1 penalty. You can see why it’s important to get on a good topic.
There is also the Punfighting-equivalent to the Critical Hit. Any roll that results in a natural “20”, is a pun so bad it literally stops the opponent in his tracks and he is unable to respond (thus losing the battle). Only characters who have attained at least five Jester levels and also have a Punfighting ability bonus currently above +6 can score a Critical in a Punfight. The fallout of this Critical can be devastating – anyone within earshot of the Jester must make a Willpower save (a DC of the Jester’s level plus his Charisma modifier), or be reduced to being Helpless for the entire next round, groaning in agony at the atrocious wordplay.
Return-to-Sender (Ex): Jesters are accustomed by trade to juggle small objects and do tricks with them, however this experience has an important side effect – any time that a Jester is aware of a grenade-like, dagger, dart, or small object has been tossed within 10 feet of him, there is a chance that the Jester can catch the item and immediately toss it back in the same direction it came from. The DC for this is the attack bonus of the attacker throwing the item. The Jester rolls 1d20 plus his Dexterity modifier plus his number of Jester levels**. He cannot opt to do anything else in that round, but he may attempt this up 3 times in a single round if necessary. Granted, throwing the item back is considered a Free action immediately following a successful catch check, but the Jester must still roll an appropriate attack with the item to try to actually hit his opponent.
This can only be done with objects equal to or less than 1 pound in weight, and the Jester must have at least one uncovered available hand (not wearing gloves or gauntlets, nor making rude gestures with his fingers). Failing his check doesn’t mean the Jester is struck (unless of course the opponent also passed his Attack roll against the Jester’s AC in the first place) – it just means the Jester didn’t catch the item. Even a poisoned dagger can be caught properly by the Jester, assuming that the entire thing wasn’t covered thick with poison. Thus, not only is a Jester adept at avoiding being struck by projectiles, he can also turn that attack right around on to his enemy.
Ventriloquism (Ex): Jesters are skilled at throwing their voices. He receives a +6 competency bonus to his Perform skill when the Jester attempts to use ventriloquism to make it sound as though his voice were coming from somewhere else within a 10 foot radius plus 1 foot per Jester level. A successful Willpower save (DC of 10 + half of the Jester’s levels + Charisma modifier) reveals the deception.
Bamboozlement (Ex): All Jesters possess an astonishing rapier-sharp wit, and their eccentricity makes it difficult for other people to infer their motivations. Thus, they receive a +1 circumstance bonus to Initiative rolls in combat, and they receive a +7 bonus to a save against an effect that may cause Insanity if failed.
Additional Language: A Jester is a master of mimicry, and as they travel they begin to pick up the various dialects they come in contact with. Upon attaining each even-numbered Jester level, he may learn a new language for free. The Jester may not select a really clandestine language (like Druidic) through this ability. It should also be clear that the Jester only picked up the language second-hand, he was not taught, so his pronunciation or vocabulary is rudimentary and his speech sounds broken. Some of the more complicated languages, such as Draconic, just come out sounding as a mockery at best (just a word to the wise, when it comes to greeting Dragons). The DM may also allow the Jester to pick a language they’ve never even heard, but consider just how terrible that speech is going to sound.
Sneak Attack: A Jester’s attack deals extra damage any time his opponent would be denied their Dexterity bonus to AC or if they were simply flanked. The mechanics of the Jester’s Sneak Attack is the same as a Rogue’s, with the exception being that the damage doesn’t increase as fast as the Jester gains levels. If The Jester has levels in another class that also grants a Sneak Attack bonus, then the bonus are accumulative between the two classes.
Evasion (Ex): A Jester can avoid magical and unusual attacks with great agility. If he makes a successful Reflex saving throw against an attack that normally deals half damage on a successful save, the Jester instead takes no damage. Evasion only works if you are wearing Light or no armor, and you can’t be Helpless.
Uncanny Dodge (Ex): A Jester can react to danger before his senses would normally allow him to do so. He retains his Dexterity bonus to Armor Class even if he is caught Flat-Footed or struck by an Invisible attacker. However, this does not make him immune to being caught Flat-Footed in the first place nor does it allow him to keep his Dexterity bonus to AC if immobilized.
Improved Uncanny Dodge (Ex): A Jester of 17th level or higher can no longer be flanked. This defense denies an enemy the ability to Sneak Attack the Jester by flanking him, unless that enemy is four or more levels higher.
Special Abilities: On attaining 10th, 16th, and 20th level, the Jester gains a special ability of his choice from among the following options.
Matador Step (Ex): The Jester goads opponents that blindly rush in to attack. The Jester receives a +6 dodge bonus to AC against Charge attacks. If the Jester is Flat-Footed or otherwise denied his Dexterity bonus to AC, he may not use this ability.
Nutter Dodge (Ex): The jester mocks his opponents, infuriating them, forcing them to make a sloppy attack before he nimbly steps out of harms way. During his action, the Jester may designate an opponent and thus receive a +4 dodge bonus to his AC against attacks from that opponent. On any action he may select a new opponent. Any circumstance that denies the Jester his Dexterity bonus to AC prevents him from using this ability.
Opportunist (Ex): The keen mind of the Jester never fails to spot an opportunity for a dose of amusement. Once per round, the Jester can make an Attack of Opportunity against an opponent that has been struck with melee damage by another character. Even a Jester with the Combat Reflexes feat can’t use the Opportunist ability more than once per round.
Slippery Mind (Ex): This ability represents the Jester’s aptitude for wriggling free from magical effects that would otherwise control or compel him. If the Jester is affected by an Enchantment spell or effect because he failed his Saving Throw, he can attempt it again 1 round later at the same Difficulty Class. The Jester only receives this one extra chance to succeed the save.

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* Punfighting initially used percentile rolls, decreased by 5% for every returned pun. Jesters had a 50% +2%/lev to return a pun, Bards were 40% +1%/lev and everybody else was 20% +1%/lev. Every point of Intelligence above 10 was worth another 1%.
** Originally, the Jester had an 80% base chance to catch the item, +1% for every Jester level (99% max)